She’s Back
I’m back with some big updates and an even bigger THANK YOU for being on this journey with me…
Hi friends! You might have noticed some changes around here (like the fact that this is an entirely different website). I’ve had a lot of big life experiences in the last five years and am so grateful for this community that has followed along and supported me from the Memphis yoga world to off-grid life in Santa Fe to creating my dream life in Los Angeles even when I’ve left some of you wondering “what the actual fuck is she doing now?”. It’s just me here now (well, Bacchus too) and I’m in the depths of the wildest healing portal of transformation that I didn’t even believe was possible. It all started when an entire glass door in my hotel room shattered right after a really powerful and emotional breath-work session, and I was like “well I guess I really should have gone to Hogwarts”. Now for the first time in maybe my entire life I’m pouring all of my love and energy into myself and creating safety and empowerment from within (warrior princess vibes). A lot of my friends have told me how strong I am over the past few years, and I believed them. I believed that I had grown into a confident, strong woman that was learning to love and choose herself. I didn’t realize how much I was just muscling through with no idea how much strength I could find in my softness, in becoming aware of how much pain and fear I have been holding on to and allowing myself to actually feel it and move it.
I’m sharing this because as someone who works with mushrooms and other powerful healing modalities I think it’s important to share some of my own journey and experience. Over the past few years as my openness about 🍄 has grown people have asked me where they can find higher dose chocolates, and I knew there would come a time when this would feel in alignment for me (exclusively a microdoser until this point) to both experience and share. My experience with mushrooms has always been positive, creative, insightful, heart opening, fairy frolicking in the forest energy, so I was expecting my 3g experience to be an exponential version of that. It was not, but it was powerful and life changing and everything I didn’t know I needed. My massage therapist told me recently that she thought I was holding a lot of emotional tension in my body that needed to be released and apparently she was right. Apparently I needed to meet the scared little girl inside of me that has never felt truly safe and the dark shame-filled part of myself that I hated so much I locked the door and never looked back. The mushrooms blew that door open like it was made of cardboard. It was dark and scary and I wanted to run away, but every time I let go and let someone know I was having a hard time (which did require multiple versions of phone-a-friend) I started crying and releasing pain and fear (and gallons of tears and snot) from my body that must have been stuck there since the dawn of time. As I sobbed in fetal position for most of five hours I felt myself crying (I’m talking heaving and also some primal screaming) for generations of women that haven’t had the space to fully feel their pain or their power. I opened the fucking floodgates and there’s no going back… I’ve got generational trauma to heal, patterns to break, and a new cycle of thriving in safety and abundance to start before I someday get to do the whole bringing in the next generation and being a mom thing that I’m very excited for.
My integration time since that rather intense journey has been full of breath-work, more crying, more screaming, movement practices, inner-child work (little LL needed some big love), a lot of journaling, a colonic (really getting the trauma out of every part of my body), creative work and play, a lymphatic drainage massage (she said my body feels completely different post emotional release of the century… she’s right), insight downloading at super speed, time in nature, slowing down and letting myself feel everything (and loving myself through it), and believing in my magic like never before. I’m planning on spending some solid time in this nourishing space of integration, but I also know I have deeper to go with the medicine and conscious reprogramming (upgrading) that I get to do on this journey with all of you.
I’m still in the thick of it TBH, but I know there is a powerful woman that is going to come out on the other side of this full of clarity and confidence in the healing and transformative space she is capable of holding for others. A friend recently asked me for my job title for a social media post and I was like “um I don’t know I guess movement and mushroom medicine woman” and now that feels just right… well that and willy wonka witch. That’s all for now, but I’m so excited to be back and truly better than ever and would love to hear from y’all anytime!
Love you,
LauraLee
